The most effective space in missionary work is trust. In a recent training with missionaries, it appears the MTC is still teaching rapport building as an ‘effective’ tool in the work.
How do you feel when someone tries to manipulate you into doing something they want?
As a father, when my son prefaces a question with: “Dad, I sure love you,” my antennae go up. Does he love me because I’m dad, or because I have something he wants?
You can’t hide rapport building. Like bad breath, it usually arrives moments after you open your mouth. The art of connecting is another way of building rapport.
Building rapport is to find something in common, or even worse, it’s finding something you can pretend to have in common.
For example, you’re on the door with Mr. Kowalski and you notice a picture of a motorcycle hanging on the wall. Your brother likes to ride his friend’s motorcycle so you ask, “hey, do you like motorcycles?”
Mr. K answers, “yea.”
“That’s great, so do I.”
Who is the discussion about now?
Building rapport and trying to connect is another way of telling the other person about you.
Most people don’t care about you, especially when you are interrupting them.
Most people don’t care about you even when you are not interrupting them.
Most people care about themselves, because nobody else does, so they talk about themselves, as do you, whether or not they are asked.
An effective tool is to use their desire to talk about themselves to determine if you trust and respect them by learning what makes them tick. We are all compelled to talk about ourselves when the right questioner comes along. If you trust and respect Mr. K, you have a 95 percent chance he will trust and respect you.
How long do you think the Holy Ghost will be present when you manipulate people? Is manipulation part of the gospel’s definition of agency?
Keep the topic about them. You are not important. When you lose yourself in the work, the Spirit will do all the heavy lifting. That’s His job.
Yours is to be a tool.
Be the best tool you can be!!!
Thanks for the reminder. I appreciate this concept. Though I know it and understand it, sometimes in everyday comings and goings, I forget to apply it.
That’s a good point you brought up. It happens all too much in today society. I notice when I’m doing my visiting teaching, the subjects usually are about the sister I’m visiting, and sometimes it takes a great effort to not bring up points or stories about myself when we’re conversing with each other. I’m going to take special note of how I can improve. Thanks for this message.